


The Misfortunes of Emma

by Fyre



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-31
Updated: 2012-03-31
Packaged: 2017-11-02 20:07:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/372888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fyre/pseuds/Fyre
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five times Emma Swan was on the receiving end of somewhat unexpected attentions, after she broke the curse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Misfortunes of Emma

**Author's Note:**

> This is just short character silliness to clear my head after writing massive epic monsters :)

1.

“So, you really are the Saviour?”  
Emma eyed Ruby, who was circling her and looking way too interested. “Looks like,” she said. “All I did was get born.”  
“To Snow and James,” Ruby agreed. Her eyes glittered. “Snow’s my best girlfriend.”  
“She said,” Emma agreed, wondering why she had the impulse to pick up a big stick and keep Ruby at arm’s length. There was something wolfish about the way she was smiling. Still Ruby, but with added bite.  
“I always did prefer blondes,” Ruby said, showing nearly every tooth in her smile.  
“Uh. Great?” Emma gave in to the impulse. Big stick it was. “No offence, Ruby, but you’re looking at me like I’m prime rib.”  
The other woman glanced at the sky. The sun was going down. “Uh. Emma. You might wanna run.”  
“Run?”  
Ruby shot her a helpless look. “No cloak,” she said. “How are you with dealing with the big bad wolf?”  
Emma’s eyes widened, and she ran.  
She was halfway up the nearest tree and rising when she heard the howl. Yeah. A big stick. Always a good plan.

 

2\. 

“I don’t understand.”  
“What’s to understand, Jefferson? I don’t want you to buy me a drink. Do you remember what happened last time I accepted a drink from you? There was duct tape! And roofies!”  
Jefferson gave her the most wounded look ever seen on man or beast. “But I helped you to break the curse.”  
“No,” she corrected. “You drugged me, kidnapped my mother, and forced me to make a hat at gunpoint.”  
“And helped you find your inner-magic,” he said hopefully. “That’s good.”  
She held out both hands like a scale. “Finding magic, good.” She raised her left hand, then raised her right hand higher. “Drugging, gun in face, kidnap, assault, bad.”  
“I didn’t hurt you,” he protested.  
“Drugging. Kidnapping. Gun in face. These are not things I consider romantic.”  
“But…”  
“Don’t make me hit you with a telescope again, buddy.”  
His face fell. “Not even one?”  
“Not any. Not ever.”

 

3.

Wide brown eyed peeked over the edge of the table, then disappeared under it again.  
"Is he always so shy?" Emma asked with a smile.  
"Only around pretty ladies," Pinnochio piped up from under the table.  
Gepetto laughed. "He learns to compliment quickly," he said fondly.  
"He'll be a charmer when he's older," Emma agreed.  
The boy peeked over the edge of the table again. "But I'm older than you," he said, staring at her. His cheeks went pink when she looked at him, but he didn't duck back under the table. "We could go out. And stuff. And I could be your older guy."  
Emma's lips twitched helplessly. "You're what? Ten?"  
"But the curse means I'm thirty-eight," he protested. "We can have milk and cookies and everything!"  
Emma laughed. "Thanks, sweetie," she said, "but I don't date guys who look the same age as my son."  
Pinnochio made a forlorn sound and retreated under the table again. He only peeped out again to ask, "Can Henry come and play?"  
Emma smiled. "Sure, kid."  
Anything that meant the ex-puppet wasn't trying to date her.

 

4.

"You would make a lovely fairy Godmother."  
Emma made a face. "Look, no offence, but I've told you already I'm not interested in joining your club."  
The Blue Fairy fluttered around her. "You serve the side of light magic," she said, "and you have already saved so many of us" She smiled hopefully at Emma. "I'm sure you would like being a fairy."  
Emma put her hands on her hips. "Do I really look like fairy material to you?" she asked, raising her eyebrows. "For one thing, I'm ten times your size. And for another, I don't do ruffles."  
"Size doesn't matter," the Blue Fairy replied, fluttering closer to her. "You have the heart and soul of a Godmother."  
Emma looked at her skeptically. "I think you'll find I have the heart and soul of a cynical old bitch," she replied. "I don't believe magic helps anyone. And I definitely don't think I should be flying around in a miniskirt, being all godmothery. You want something, you gotta work for it."  
The Blue Fairy was practically pouting. "If you're sure..."  
"Oh, believe me, sister. The last thing you want is me as a fairy Godmother," Emma assured her. "Wishes, my ass. They would be getting jobs like real people."  
The Blue Fairy's wings fluttered more wildly. "That wouldn't be possible."  
"Welcome to my world," Emma said with a crooked grin. "You work hard, you get results. No magic wands to fix everything."  
The fairy tried to hide her look of indignation and buzzed away.  
Grumpy grinned at Emma. "You know, kid, I knew there was a reason I liked you."

5\. 

 

Moonshine was powerful stuff.  
Emma knew she should be paying attention to the council meeting, but right now, the book in front of her looked like a pillow and was calling her name. She was nudged awake a few minutes later by her mother.  
“Mm?”  
“You were snoring, Emma.”  
Emma squinted at her. “I was?”  
“It was a very ladylike snore.” The speaker was male, but she was too distracted to find the owner, when something green fluttered down in front of her. She screwed up her, then yelled at the sight of a giant bug. She grabbed the book and brought it down as hard as she could.  
At least seven voices cried, “No!”  
Emma lifted her hands from the book. “Wha?”  
“Emma! That was Jiminy!” Snow exclaimed.  
“It was?” Emma winced. “Crap.” She tilted the book up. “Jiminy? You okay?”  
A tiny buggy arm poked out and what looked like a mandible was raised in a thumbs up.  
Emma looked around sheepishly. “Okay,” she said. “No more moonshine for me.”


End file.
